From the Frying Pan - Avenalpress.com All the news fit to rePress.

💔 AVENALPRESS.COM ABANDONED BY WEBDADDY FOR A SHINY NEW WEBKID

We were here first. We made the fake news. We survived the recall. And now Dad won’t even acknowledge us. AVENAL, Calif. […]

🎂 Happy Birthday to Our Web-Daddy: Avenal Press Turns One

🔥 TL;DR Happy birthday to Facebook Avenal Press, the AI-heavy Facebook page that accidentally became AvenalPress.com’s web-daddy by spending its first year […]

BREAKING: Avenal’s One-Man Quorum Somehow Escapes Raid Despite Ongoing War on Mathematics

AvenalPress.com asks the obvious question: if we’re raiding people over alleged wrongdoing, when does the search warrant arrive for the meeting where […]

BREAKING: Kings County Discovers Mutual Aid Apparently Means “Everybody Helps Everybody — Except Avenal”

Chief Chamberlin reportedly guarding the mutual-aid gate like it contains the last Costco rotisserie chicken in California. TL;DR — For Everyone Who […]

BREAKING: Avenal Fire Department Reaches 2½ Months Old, Somehow Survives Without Kings County’s Permission Slip

Tiny department reportedly extinguishing fires, teaching CPR, installing smoke alarms, recruiting women — and, most dangerously, continuing to exist. AVENAL, CA — […]

Editor’s Note: Before You Write an Angry Facebook Post…

Welcome to AvenalPress.com, where satire is our specialty and sacred cows are always on the menu. Where the headlines are sharp, the […]

🚨 Anonymous Keyboard Warrior Reportedly Posts 47th “Bombshell” of the Week — Community Pretends to Be Shocked 🚨

AVENAL — Residents were stunned this morning after an anonymous social media account released yet another “earth-shattering exposé” that experts say has […]

Editorial: Dear Avenal Chicanos… Who Told You Being American Meant Forgetting You Were Mexican?

Somewhere along the road between eating your abuela’s homemade tortillas and ordering an extra-large combo meal, some of us got confused. We […]

Editorial: Welcome to the Avenal Concerned Citizens Country Club

There was a time when the Facebook group Avenal Concerned Citizens sounded like exactly what Avenal needed—a place where concerned citizens could […]

Why the World Needs Another AvenalPress.com

Let’s address the elephant in the Facebook comments. “Isn’t there already an Avenal Press.com?” Sure. And there are three or four Avenal […]