🎂 Happy Birthday to Our Web-Daddy: Avenal Press Turns One
🔥 TL;DR Happy birthday to Facebook Avenal Press, the AI-heavy Facebook page that accidentally became AvenalPress.com’s web-daddy by spending its first year […]
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BREAKING: Avenal’s One-Man Quorum Somehow Escapes Raid Despite Ongoing War on Mathematics
AvenalPress.com asks the obvious question: if we’re raiding people over alleged wrongdoing, when does the search warrant arrive for the meeting where […]
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BREAKING: Kings County Discovers Mutual Aid Apparently Means “Everybody Helps Everybody — Except Avenal”
Chief Chamberlin reportedly guarding the mutual-aid gate like it contains the last Costco rotisserie chicken in California. TL;DR — For Everyone Who […]
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BREAKING: Avenal Fire Department Reaches 2½ Months Old, Somehow Survives Without Kings County’s Permission Slip
Tiny department reportedly extinguishing fires, teaching CPR, installing smoke alarms, recruiting women — and, most dangerously, continuing to exist. AVENAL, CA — […]
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Editor’s Note: Before You Write an Angry Facebook Post…
Welcome to AvenalPress.com, where satire is our specialty and sacred cows are always on the menu. Where the headlines are sharp, the […]
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🚨 Anonymous Keyboard Warrior Reportedly Posts 47th “Bombshell” of the Week — Community Pretends to Be Shocked 🚨
AVENAL — Residents were stunned this morning after an anonymous social media account released yet another “earth-shattering exposé” that experts say has […]
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Editorial: Dear Avenal Chicanos… Who Told You Being American Meant Forgetting You Were Mexican?
Somewhere along the road between eating your abuela’s homemade tortillas and ordering an extra-large combo meal, some of us got confused. We […]
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Editorial: Welcome to the Avenal Concerned Citizens Country Club
There was a time when the Facebook group Avenal Concerned Citizens sounded like exactly what Avenal needed—a place where concerned citizens could […]
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Why the World Needs Another AvenalPress.com
Let’s address the elephant in the Facebook comments. “Isn’t there already an Avenal Press.com?” Sure. And there are three or four Avenal […]
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