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BREAKING Recall Advocates Camp at Dollar General - Avenalpress.com Investigates

The Election Was Done Wrong, But Apparently Wrong Has Tenure Now

TL;DR The court recognized serious problems with how Kings County handled Avenal’s recall process: the City Clerk was the lawful official, there […]

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BREAKING: Avenal’s One-Man Quorum Somehow Escapes Raid Despite Ongoing War on Mathematics

AvenalPress.com asks the obvious question: if we’re raiding people over alleged wrongdoing, when does the search warrant arrive for the meeting where […]

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🚨 ÚLTIMA HORA: El Recall Gana, Avenal Paga la Cuenta — y el Departamento de Bomberos Sigue Aquí

Después de más de $67,000, demandas, guerra política y suficiente drama de Facebook como para considerarlo un servicio público municipal, Avenal finalmente […]

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🚨 BREAKING: Recall Wins, Avenal Gets the Bill — and the Fire Department Is Still Here

After $67,000+, lawsuits, political warfare and enough Facebook drama to qualify as a municipal utility, Avenal has finally achieved the dream: fewer […]

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BREAKING: Kings County Discovers Mutual Aid Apparently Means “Everybody Helps Everybody — Except Avenal”

Chief Chamberlin reportedly guarding the mutual-aid gate like it contains the last Costco rotisserie chicken in California. TL;DR — For Everyone Who […]

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Opinion | Welcome to Avenal: Where Local Control Comes with a Search Warrant

Remember when local control meant cities could make decisions for themselves? Those were simpler times. Now it appears local control comes with […]

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Editor’s Note: Before You Write an Angry Facebook Post…

Welcome to AvenalPress.com, where satire is our specialty and sacred cows are always on the menu. Where the headlines are sharp, the […]

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BREAKING: King Mayor Forms Historic Alliance with the Kingdom of Kings County

AVENAL — In a stunning display of governmental efficiency, Avenal’s self-proclaimed monarch has reportedly announced a new governing philosophy: “Why have local […]

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Editorial: Dear Avenal Chicanos… Who Told You Being American Meant Forgetting You Were Mexican?

Somewhere along the road between eating your abuela’s homemade tortillas and ordering an extra-large combo meal, some of us got confused. We […]

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Editorial: Welcome to the Avenal Concerned Citizens Country Club

There was a time when the Facebook group Avenal Concerned Citizens sounded like exactly what Avenal needed—a place where concerned citizens could […]

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