BREAKING: Avenal Holds Its Breath While Court Decides Whether Recall Was an Election or an Expensive Group Project

Whatever the judge decides, residents are advised that Tuesday will still arrive on schedule. AVENAL, CA — The City of Avenal is […]

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ÚLTIMA HORA: Avenal contiene la respiración mientras la corte decide si el recall fue una elección o un proyecto grupal muy caro

Sea cual sea la decisión del juez, se informa a los residentes que el martes llegará puntualmente. AVENAL, CA — La Ciudad […]

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ÚLTIMA HORA: Tres candidatos al Concejo instalan su centro de inteligencia en Dollar General para vigilar el Ayuntamiento

La sede de campaña aparentemente incluye sillas plegables, binoculares y una cantidad preocupante de tiempo libre. AVENAL, CA — En lo que […]

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BREAKING: Avenal Fire Department Reaches 2½ Months Old, Somehow Survives Without Kings County’s Permission Slip

Tiny department reportedly extinguishing fires, teaching CPR, installing smoke alarms, recruiting women — and, most dangerously, continuing to exist. AVENAL, CA — […]

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BREAKING: King Mayor Forms Historic Alliance with the Kingdom of Kings County

AVENAL — In a stunning display of governmental efficiency, Avenal’s self-proclaimed monarch has reportedly announced a new governing philosophy: “Why have local […]

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Democracy Replaced by “Me-cracy” in Record-Breaking One-Man Meeting

Residents of Avenal awoke this week to discover they’ve apparently skipped several chapters of the Constitution and gone straight to the Director’s […]

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Breaking: Mayor Alvaro Preciado Announces Re-Election Campaign, Promises to Use His “Inside Voice”

By the Staff at AvenalPress.comAll the news fit to rePress. AVENAL — After surviving what historians are already calling “The Great Facebook […]

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🚨 BREAKING: Gov. Newsom’s Hair Announces It Is Forming a Union Ahead of Possible Presidential Campaign 💇‍♂️🇺🇸

SACRAMENTO — In a shocking development that political insiders definitely did not make up, Governor Gavin Newsom’s hair has reportedly filed paperwork […]

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Avenal Students Return to School, Local Color Spectrum Still Missing

🔴 BREAKING: BACK-TO-SCHOOL SEASON ARRIVES — AVENAL STUDENTS REAFFIRM HISTORIC COMMITMENT TO WEARING BLACK IN EVERY POSSIBLE CLIMATE AVENAL, CA — Students […]

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