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ÚLTIMA HORA: Avenal contiene la respiración mientras la corte decide si el recall fue una elección o un proyecto grupal muy caro

Sea cual sea la decisión del juez, se informa a los residentes que el martes llegará puntualmente. AVENAL, CA — La Ciudad […]

ÚLTIMA HORA: Tres candidatos al Concejo instalan su centro de inteligencia en Dollar General para vigilar el Ayuntamiento

La sede de campaña aparentemente incluye sillas plegables, binoculares y una cantidad preocupante de tiempo libre. AVENAL, CA — En lo que […]

BREAKING: Avenal Fire Department Reaches 2½ Months Old, Somehow Survives Without Kings County’s Permission Slip

Tiny department reportedly extinguishing fires, teaching CPR, installing smoke alarms, recruiting women — and, most dangerously, continuing to exist. AVENAL, CA — […]

BREAKING: King Mayor Forms Historic Alliance with the Kingdom of Kings County

AVENAL — In a stunning display of governmental efficiency, Avenal’s self-proclaimed monarch has reportedly announced a new governing philosophy: “Why have local […]

Democracy Replaced by “Me-cracy” in Record-Breaking One-Man Meeting

Residents of Avenal awoke this week to discover they’ve apparently skipped several chapters of the Constitution and gone straight to the Director’s […]

Breaking: Mayor Alvaro Preciado Announces Re-Election Campaign, Promises to Use His “Inside Voice”

By the Staff at AvenalPress.comAll the news fit to rePress. AVENAL — After surviving what historians are already calling “The Great Facebook […]

🚨 BREAKING: Gov. Newsom’s Hair Announces It Is Forming a Union Ahead of Possible Presidential Campaign 💇‍♂️🇺🇸

SACRAMENTO — In a shocking development that political insiders definitely did not make up, Governor Gavin Newsom’s hair has reportedly filed paperwork […]

Avenal Students Return to School, Local Color Spectrum Still Missing

🔴 BREAKING: BACK-TO-SCHOOL SEASON ARRIVES — AVENAL STUDENTS REAFFIRM HISTORIC COMMITMENT TO WEARING BLACK IN EVERY POSSIBLE CLIMATE AVENAL, CA — Students […]