🔴 BREAKING: BACK-TO-SCHOOL SEASON ARRIVES — AVENAL STUDENTS REAFFIRM HISTORIC COMMITMENT TO WEARING BLACK IN EVERY POSSIBLE CLIMATE
AVENAL, CA — Students are heading back to school, backpacks are packed, pencils are sharpened, and once again approximately 87% of the teenage wardrobe appears to have been purchased from the same mysterious section labeled:
BLACK.
Black shirts.
Black pants.
Black shoes.
Black backpacks.
And, most impressively:
Black sweaters.
In August.
In Avenal.
Where stepping outside sometimes feels like opening the oven to check the garlic bread.
Parents across town are reportedly asking one simple question:
“Do they make clothes in any other color?”
Students have declined to comment, mostly because they are busy pulling the sleeves of a heavyweight black hoodie over their hands while temperatures outside attempt to cook the sidewalk.
AvenalPress.com would like to remind students that several exciting colors remain legally available in California, including blue, green, red, yellow, beige and — according to ancient historical documents — white.
Fashion experts say black remains popular because it “goes with everything.”
Including, apparently:
Summer.
Winter.
School.
Quinceañeras.
Football games.
Family parties.
And standing outside at 3:15 p.m. waiting for a ride home while slowly becoming a baked potato.
School officials have not announced a dress-code emergency, but witnesses report at least one freshman was seen wearing a light-blue shirt Tuesday.
The student’s condition is unknown.
🎒 AVENALPRESS.COM
All the news fit to rePress.
Todas las noticias bien refritas.
Because individuality is important.
As long as everybody’s wearing black.